Lost in the material world.

This week has felt like it was packed to the rafters with stuff that needed to be done. I am a person who on the average day needs to keep moving and get "it" done. I sometimes believe there is extra bits that I put on myself to get done, almost like I have to jam as much stuff into one day as humanly possible. I get this internal sense that I MUST do it NOW. It can be anything from finishing a long ago started project, or this minute right now I MUST clean out the basement. This behaviour can drive my husband nuts, but usually just me. It seems to increase with stress levels as well. Then the topper - my memory starts to crack and I can't find where I put anything. This week had a few of those moments, add lack of sleep and you have the walking zombie that is me!

In doing this blog I am trying to "declutter my life" part of that is looking at the odd behaviours that make up me, as well. So here is a little look at the stuff I know about myself, that I am continuing to learn.

• When I feel overwhelmed with stuff ( usually caused by self) I will buy agenda's and organizers. ( this has decreased as I have been decluttering) - the act of writting down things does make me feel more calm. ( hence the blog)
• I will make lunch for hubby and snack for my beautiful littly lady - but will not make my own lunch , instead making the excuse I don't have time and then I buy a not as healthy choice. I do this for a couple of reasons that I can figure out - this requires me to leave the building I work in and it allows me the chance for social interaction with friends ( done daily this costs a fortune!) also provides access to favourite shop = WINNERS
• When clothes don't fit in the stores ( Likely because I eat out lunch to often). this one everyone now knows = buy bag
• I can be a big purger ( as opposed to the hoarder) - I will get rid of everything =  feeling like I can now have control over chaos created by myself, my life or friends and family. (or rather my preception of all of that) important note - the purse junkie no more is my attempt to do the final purse purge :) 
• The urge to run, to leave or escape  =  when I have lost complete control internally I have this urge to get away. This is not a common behaviour but does show it's ugly head once in awhile. This is not oh I need a vacation - this is a sense that I need to feel lost somewhere. this may even result in me sitting in my own livingroom engrossed in a book - not leaving the couch all day. Or it could be lost in a huge department store - or just a walk by myself.

I have long ago figured out the behaviours I maintain because I want too, or because I can even if I know they need to change. I have given up smoking, this time specifically for me, and I have only had to fight a few cravings now and again ( usually when stressed ) and I have been honest with myself - not caving in and having a single puff since I quit.

I am working on the purse and wallet behaviour - this is at times is a struggle I will not lie, I test myself by looking at the bags and wallets - also simply because I really do love bags ( as promised  to my environmental friend = I almosted caved last week and bought a coach wallet while out with her at lunch , she tried to stop the urge, then said fine "I get to choose what you have to do to earn it ( outside from paying the 100 dollars)" of course I said fine , we talked about it all the while I was in the line. Then when the saleswoman opened the locked case and gave me the wallet - the rush wasn't there and I also remembered I DON'T NEED this. I didn't buy it! great deal or not.)

I have loads of not great behaviours ( like everyone else), more self damaging to peace of mind then anything else. I don't hurt anyone else, I don't cheat or steal. I don't drink or do drugs.  But these behaviours can be self destructive to me. So in an effort to declutter my life and my mind, I have written them down to become more aware of me, and in hopes begin to let go of some of my strange "Quirks" interesting observation when writing this is the self reinforcing cycles all my behaviours have. The all eventually lead to the "HIGH" of shopping!

Getting lost in the material world.

Live Love Laugh and GIVE

The purse junkie no more